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Overly critical behaviour in a relationship
Criticism is a behaviour that can be harmful to a relationship. Over
time, it deteriorates good feelings and encourages other negative habits that
can sever the bond. With this article, I hope to clarify when criticism in a
relationship becomes too much for you to handle.
Criticism in Marriage
According to John Gottman, a renowned expert on relationships,
frequent criticism in a partnership is a significant predictor of divorce even
though it might happen easily. Being in the presence of someone who
continuously criticises you and places the blame for your failings on you is
very difficult. Too much criticism in a relationship will eventually erode its
positive aspects and health.
When we point out and pass judgement on our partner's weaknesses, Criticism occurs in relationships. It is communicated by expressing
disapproval, criticism, correction, blaming, quibbling, or fixing.
Constant criticism is neither productive nor uplifting. Being critical
only highlights the drawbacks and provides no answers or suggestions for
change. Instead of addressing specific behaviours, criticism targets someone's
character (e.g., "You are selfish. Instead of, "I would love your
assistance in organising our next vacation."
A criticism isolates just one feature of the target or circumstance.
It is only natural to want to draw attention to every aspect that does not meet
the critical assertion. To feel protective and wish to defend oneself against
the critical attack is reasonable.
Because it is exhausting, confrontational, and depleting, most
individuals don't know how to handle criticism in relationships.
10 SIGNS THAT YOU MAY BE TOO JUDGMENTAL IN A RELATIONSHIP
Most individuals who are too critical in a relationship aren't even
conscious of it. The following signs may help you realise that you may be more
critical than you realise:
1. When you make a mistake, you are very critical of yourself (i.e., what do you instinctively tell yourself when you make a mistake?). You are likely to be extremely critical of others if you are extremely critical of yourself.
2. Your parents were deeply critical of you or held you to a high standard.
3. You often seek perfection.
4. You frequently make negative observations about the appearance, lifestyle, and house of others.
5. Your close ones accuse you of being judgmental.
6. You take insults and offenses quite lightly.
7. It is simpler to criticise than to praise. Instead of the good, you'll identify the flaw.
8. Even if your partner completes 90% of a task, you concentrate on
the last 10%. You lose sight of the importance of your partner's effort and
assistance as you become focused with how your partner didn't accomplish the
assignment to your satisfaction.
9. You micromanage. You find it challenging to let go. If your partner didn't perform a task in the way you wanted, you'll go back and make the necessary adjustments.
10. You frequently see negative traits in the behaviours and actions
of others. People will say, "I give input; you're critical," as
Steven Stosny makes fun of in his article about criticism. You're stubborn; I'm
firm. You're a wimp; I'm adaptable. You're hilarious; I'm in touch with my
emotions!
We won't lose the compulsion to criticise others until we are at ease with our own decisions and accept our own flaws. (Brene Brown)
15 reasons why being too critical in a relationship may
not be a good idea
1. You have to be in charge.
2. Everything must go your way. You are accustomed to getting your way. You have strong attachments to your tastes and how things should be.
3. You believe that your approach is the best or proper one. Criticism of others strengthens your beliefs, opinions, and perspective.
4. You believe that if you can control your environment, anxiety and
vulnerability will vanish. Looking inside at your own internal anguish is
difficult (i.e. feeling anxious or not good enough).
5. By focusing on others' flaws or inadequacies, being critical of others makes you feel powerful and dominant.
6. You were exposed to criticism as a child and learned that this is how things should be.
7. It's become bad habit to criticise. You are unable to relate to people or attract attention in any other way. It's the way you've gotten along with people. discussing, contrasting, grumbling, and condemning others
8. You question your worth and value. Instead of dealing with your own
emotions of inadequacy and low self-esteem, it is simpler to attempt and guard
against the sensitive sentiments by blaming others. Before they have an
opportunity to criticise you, you criticise others.
9. Your criticism of other people is an extension of your own
treatment of yourself. Your mental thoughts and conversations are crucial.
10. Being unfavourable to others prevents them from getting too close.
It makes you feel safer and less exposed.
11. Being criticised keeps you off-task and allows you to mask your
true emotions. It can be simpler to criticise others when you're anxious or
worried about something than it is to examine your own emotions, flaws, and
limitations.
12. You compare yourself to others so that you can be viewed as more
favourable in order to feel better regarding aspects of your life where you do
not feel good enough.
13. You try to protect your self-image by worrying about what other people will think of you. You believe that your physical environment affects how other people will perceive you and your identity.
14: You feel unduly accountable to other people. You believe you are trying to be helpful, and you believe that their growth will be guided or facilitated by your feedback.
15. You have strong opinions about a subject, but you are unsure of
how to express them. Speaking up and arguing for your preferences is
challenging. Instead, the problem continues to nag at you. As the problem
worsens, you appear to get more irritated and judgmental.
This list's information is straightforward but only meant to be used
as a guide. Please take a deep breath and unwind if you feel yourself reacting
after reading the list. Please let go of whatever blame or judgement you may
feel.
Are you looking for help for being overly critical in relationships?
If so, please get in touch with me here. Let's talk to see if there's any way I
may be of assistance.
Your opinions on the warning signals of being too critical in relationships are also something I'd love to hear. Please remark below and I'll read it.
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