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how to determine why you are in a relationship if you are too critical

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how to determine why you are in a relationship if you are too critical
Dec 06, 2022   338     0.0

how to determine why you are in a relationship if you are too critical

Overly critical behaviour in a relationship

Criticism is a behaviour that can be harmful to a relationship. Over time, it deteriorates good feelings and encourages other negative habits that can sever the bond. With this article, I hope to clarify when criticism in a relationship becomes too much for you to handle.


Criticism in Marriage


According to John Gottman, a renowned expert on relationships, frequent criticism in a partnership is a significant predictor of divorce even though it might happen easily. Being in the presence of someone who continuously criticises you and places the blame for your failings on you is very difficult. Too much criticism in a relationship will eventually erode its positive aspects and health.

When we point out and pass judgement on our partner's weaknesses, Criticism occurs in relationships. It is communicated by expressing disapproval, criticism, correction, blaming, quibbling, or fixing.

Constant criticism is neither productive nor uplifting. Being critical only highlights the drawbacks and provides no answers or suggestions for change. Instead of addressing specific behaviours, criticism targets someone's character (e.g., "You are selfish. Instead of, "I would love your assistance in organising our next vacation."


A criticism isolates just one feature of the target or circumstance. It is only natural to want to draw attention to every aspect that does not meet the critical assertion. To feel protective and wish to defend oneself against the critical attack is reasonable.

Because it is exhausting, confrontational, and depleting, most individuals don't know how to handle criticism in relationships.


Most individuals who are too critical in a relationship aren't even conscious of it. The following signs may help you realise that you may be more critical than you realise:


1. When you make a mistake, you are very critical of yourself (i.e., what do you instinctively tell yourself when you make a mistake?). You are likely to be extremely critical of others if you are extremely critical of yourself.

2. Your parents were deeply critical of you or held you to a high standard.

3. You often seek perfection.

4. You frequently make negative observations about the appearance, lifestyle, and house of others.

5. Your close ones accuse you of being judgmental.

6. You take insults and offenses quite lightly.

7. It is simpler to criticise than to praise. Instead of the good, you'll identify the flaw.

8. Even if your partner completes 90% of a task, you concentrate on the last 10%. You lose sight of the importance of your partner's effort and assistance as you become focused with how your partner didn't accomplish the assignment to your satisfaction.

9. You micromanage. You find it challenging to let go. If your partner didn't perform a task in the way you wanted, you'll go back and make the necessary adjustments.

10. You frequently see negative traits in the behaviours and actions of others. People will say, "I give input; you're critical," as Steven Stosny makes fun of in his article about criticism. You're stubborn; I'm firm. You're a wimp; I'm adaptable. You're hilarious; I'm in touch with my emotions!


We won't lose the compulsion to criticise others until we are at ease with our own decisions and accept our own flaws. (Brene Brown)

15 reasons why being too critical in a relationship may not be a good idea

1. You have to be in charge.

2. Everything must go your way. You are accustomed to getting your way. You have strong attachments to your tastes and how things should be.

3. You believe that your approach is the best or proper one. Criticism of others strengthens your beliefs, opinions, and perspective.

4. You believe that if you can control your environment, anxiety and vulnerability will vanish. Looking inside at your own internal anguish is difficult (i.e. feeling anxious or not good enough).

5. By focusing on others' flaws or inadequacies, being critical of others makes you feel powerful and dominant.

6. You were exposed to criticism as a child and learned that this is how things should be.

7. It's become bad habit to criticise. You are unable to relate to people or attract attention in any other way. It's the way you've gotten along with people. discussing, contrasting, grumbling, and condemning others

8. You question your worth and value. Instead of dealing with your own emotions of inadequacy and low self-esteem, it is simpler to attempt and guard against the sensitive sentiments by blaming others. Before they have an opportunity to criticise you, you criticise others.

9. Your criticism of other people is an extension of your own treatment of yourself. Your mental thoughts and conversations are crucial.

10. Being unfavourable to others prevents them from getting too close. It makes you feel safer and less exposed.

11. Being criticised keeps you off-task and allows you to mask your true emotions. It can be simpler to criticise others when you're anxious or worried about something than it is to examine your own emotions, flaws, and limitations.

12. You compare yourself to others so that you can be viewed as more favourable in order to feel better regarding aspects of your life where you do not feel good enough.

13. You try to protect your self-image by worrying about what other people will think of you. You believe that your physical environment affects how other people will perceive you and your identity.

14: You feel unduly accountable to other people. You believe you are trying to be helpful, and you believe that their growth will be guided or facilitated by your feedback.

15. You have strong opinions about a subject, but you are unsure of how to express them. Speaking up and arguing for your preferences is challenging. Instead, the problem continues to nag at you. As the problem worsens, you appear to get more irritated and judgmental.


This list's information is straightforward but only meant to be used as a guide. Please take a deep breath and unwind if you feel yourself reacting after reading the list. Please let go of whatever blame or judgement you may feel.


Are you looking for help for being overly critical in relationships? If so, please get in touch with me here. Let's talk to see if there's any way I may be of assistance. 


Your opinions on the warning signals of being too critical in relationships are also something I'd love to hear. Please remark below and I'll read it.

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